Rationale

I haven't updated in awhile. I think it was just a phase. All that thinking that was in my head. I still can't explain it, just like I can't ever seem to explain anything. My emotions vary from time to time and different days. I've been having weird dreams lately about who knows what. I can't remember, only that they were weird. I just know it, don't ask me how.

Since I've been home I haven't done much of anything. As for the moment, I've given up on guys. The two guys I liked at school just weren't right for me. They never were. I've realized a few things while I was at college though and none of them do I feel like writing down... well except one. I don't make friends with people who argue with me. I make friends with people who'll have an open mind, listen to me and be on my side. Because when people argue with me or fight me, I start to think that they're right without much of a complaint. And then, it's almost as if they are scolding me and I start to feel belittled. And I hate feeling that way. Therefore, I've realized that I don't like arguing. Of course, there are different ways to argue and I wish I could specifically pinpoint what kind of arguement I'm talking about, but that's a bit hard.

My life is pretty much revolved around Gunbound now. I've always been more of an internet person anyway, in the past. It's like a new chatroom except there's a game in there. I've never really liked real life, from forums to chat rooms, those were always my high points. There's no need to lie in them. I'm not saying I behave completely differently (though maybe you'd think so), but the freedom to say whatever you want is great. I mean, I'm not crazy or stupid, but I can be a different person if I want to. What is it about reality and a dream that makes a person act so insanely different? If I met you in real life, and if I met you in a chat room, the difference is like zero and infinity. It's not that I'm a different person, you just see a different side of me. With a lack of physical appearance, I'm so much more confident. It's not to say that I think I'm ugly, but I don't think I'm very pretty. And what guys like vary from person to person anyway. With the lack of apperance I can be attractive to anybody. People will appreciate a personality and not judge you and choose to ignore you at first sight.

One other thing I've thought about is why girls complain about how they're fat. Especially the skinny ones. Those people really piss me off, but sometimes I wonder if I'm not one of them. I do wish I was skinnier, although I would never complain about it. I don't really think I'm fat, though I probably do say that I think I am sometimes. I do wish I had a better figure and that I was more in shape, but it doesn't motivate me. I'm content for the most part with the way my body is I guess because I know it could be a lot worse... but when there are pretty girls running around saying they need to lose 10 more pounds, it really pisses me off... because if anyone needs to lose weight, it's the overweight people. People that are motivated to lose weight are probably already too skinny and those that can't seem to ever lose weight are the ones that need to lose it.

Just some thoughts.