SAT... and stress...

Before I left for the movies yesterday, I decided to check my SAT scores. I was so devastated by my verbal score. I had no idea that I did that badly... I don't even want to say what I got. I'm so frustrated because it went down by a lot of points from what I expected to get. I guess I'm going to have to take it again in December. I don't know what I'm going to tell my mom... she will be so angry at me. I really have to do well on my SAT II's. The good thing is that, I really do feel that I will do better on that than my SAT I's... except for chemistry. I don't know how well I'm going to do on that... but I will have to study. I will have to study on my own... a lot.

God... Anna, if you don't quit playing around and control yourself, you're gonna be a fucking idiot regretting your whole entire life. You're gonna let one small mistake overcome your whole life. And I don't want that. Please snap out of it.

I also watched The Grudge... which was okay, a lot of it didn't make much sense. I hope that Ms. Ramirez watches it so I can discuss it with her. I guess that's weird but I don't know... when I discuss stuff with her I feel more confident in anything I do. I think I was more scared by The Ring than The Grudge, but I think it's because I understood the plot of The Ring a lot better. I don't understand The Grudge and what you don't understand isn't as scary.

I'm beginning to be a wimp... I used to watch all the scenes of every movie, but now I wimp out. I cover my eyes, and I don't see everything. I didn't see the jaw of Yoko because I was too scared. It was supposed to be really disgusting and gruesome than scary, but I was still too scared... Why? I don't understand.

My back hurts... the sole of my feet hurts, my brain hurts. I just want it all to end. I've never felt so... overwhelmed. I don't want to kill myself, but instead, I just want to regress. I want to crawl into a corner and just stay there forever... I don't know which one's worse.