I feel better today.

I feel much better today. A few times yesterday, I was on the verge of crying, now I don't feel like crying anymore. Perhaps though, that if I did cry, I would feel tons better anyway, because crying does that to you. They say crying doesn't solve anything. That may be true, but crying sure does make you feel better.

Today, I found out that Melinda knows about Susan's blogger, so Susan's not linking this blog anymore, for fear that Melinda might read my previous entry. This is how I feel about it: I don't care if she reads it. I mean, I don't like hostility, and I don't want to create any, but I hate lying. I will not delete my words out of fear of hurting someone's feelings. The only thing that could seem to have contradict my statement is that I had some hostility with Zuri back in freshman year, but to be honest, I think that was different. For one thing, I was a different person back then, and even if I wasn't, I honestly did want to be Zuri's friend. It was in my nature then, I guess. Nowadays, I don't really seem to care if I lose certain people as friends, because then they must not be worth my time. Now, don't get me wrong, if Zuri and I started fighting or whatever happened, I would be sad; I would still want to be friends with her, but some other people are a different story.

There is only one person that I regret ending a complete friendship with and that's Nancy. I'm not even sure that it would be called regret, but it's just a longing I have every now and then to talk to her. I guess, it's because, I want to hear her side of the story. I want to know why things ended the way they did. I want to see from her point of view, but I don't know that I want to talk to her. Brandon asked me the other day: "what's the worst that could happen [if you talk to her]? you might actually become friends?" The worst thing that could happen is precisely that. I do not want to be friends with her, because I might be blinded again, and hurt again and I don't need that. I've changed a lot because of my friendship with Nancy and I know it's made me bitter, and the sad part is that, I don't care about my being bitter.

Anyway, I got side tracked. If I talk about you on here and you don't like it, you can either don't read it, or tell me and maybe we can talk about it... I promise I'll be honest with you.

Later tonight, I'm going to go to Gautam's house to watch some movies. I think it will be fun. A bunch of us will be there and late night movies at Gautam's house are one of my favorite things to do. Since I had some left over chips from the Potluck today from ROP class, I took it over to Gautam's house so we can eat it later. I'm going to tell my mom that I'm going to the gym. I would tell her the truth, but then, I get the feeling she's going to yell at me that I'm going out too much, she does that a lot.

Tomorrow morning, my mom and I are going to this school/academy. If things go well, I'll be enrolled in this SAT class. I will have to work really hard, but it will be worth it if when I see my score, I get a 1400 or higher. I really do hope that I will work hard though, because I'm lazy a whole heck of a lot.